|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
than what I wanted. I believed that my "true self" would not be accepted or loved. I made a decision to hide myself from others. Over the years I became more proficient at doing this. At no time did I believe that I was committing a crime against myself but I was "protecting" myself from the world. The truth is that this is the most heinous of crimes. At times glimmers of my true self would emerge but as soon as I was faced with disapproval or excluded from a group, I knew that I had to return into my hiding place.
This has been my "way of being" for 30 years. This discovery was painful for me. I realized that I was solely responsible for this. I was angry and felt that I could not trust myself. I now understand the loneliness I have felt for most of my life. I have often chosen to be with people, to make friends with others because it is what they wanted. It was not really something that I wanted but I thought that it was better to be with someone rather than no one. I was lonely because I was not being my true self therefore I had no (Continued on page 4)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
n a journey upon which I have embarked, I am searching for myself. I am realizing that I am a stranger. As I have begun to unearth my authentic self, I discover that I am not alone. I am more than just the sum of my parts. I am made up of more than body tissue, hair and at times, a funny looking smile. I realize the depths to which others have come into my life and touched me. They have touched me so much that their touch has left an indelible mark on my being, forever changing who I am. Before recent months I have often resented this "intrusion" upon my life. I am seeing things differently now. I am embracing "all of them" as "part of me." I am finding that discovering my authentic self has brought me to knowing whom in my life I have taken with me. Each person who has come into my life and given their gifts has taken part in creating me.