Unconditional Positive Regard is by far the most difficult to learn.  The responsibility portion of congruence is the next most difficult.  This is imbedded in Unconditional Positive Regard.  This one will require your best work.  Don't give up on it.  This one is the most personally rewarding.  The power you feel will not always be appreciated by the other.  It is for you.


Unconditional Positive Regard is a mouthful.  If one shortens it, then PCA is no longer a necessary and sufficient skill set for the successful conduct of relationships.  So, alas, it must remain. Unconditional Positive Regard can be looked at from three vantage points.


The first is the suspension of judgment.  Judgment is the shutting off of information and the attribution of "good" or "bad".  The brain cannot operate fully in the presence of judgment.  Judgment happens in 6/10,000 of a second - too fast to prevent.  Something must be done with the judgment.  What is to be done, is convert it into congruence  [from a "you" message to an "I" message, for which I take full responsibility].


The second vantage point is that of looking at a sunset.  Carl Rogers used to say that one does not try to change a sunset [a little darker blue over here, please, and perhaps less orange there, and certainly more pink and red overall].  One regards a sunset just as it is.  People are like that.  They are just fine the way they are now.


Finally, there is a paradox.  We cannot cope with this, which by definition, cannot make sense, in the presence of judgment.  The paradox is this.  You must remain totally committed to your own integrity, while at the same time prize the gift [not the other, but the gift] of the other which threatens your integrity.  You move from pushing the gift away - remaining stuck, to embracing it as a jewel of great price - precious!  The threat becomes my valued friend.  I prize it.  I don't just understand.  I don't just accept it.  I don't just prize it.  I prize it unconditionally.  I am now able to work with it.  I am not longer stuck.  I am moving again  -  powerful  -  free.